Two hours and thousands of words later, I realized that while the words were flowing, they weren't the right ones. They moved my story practically nowhere, and at a snails pace at that, and just didn't feel right. It was more like I was living in a moment that had maybe happened, but ultimately doesn't need to be included. In that realization, I felt such a blur of emotions that it was hard to pick which one to go with. Frustration. Anger. Anguish. I sure didn't feel like an author, that's for certain. I felt like a failure and a time waster. Time - it's not something I can take for granted when it is so often stolen from me in days of darkness.
In hopes of raising my spirit before I turned off the computer for the night, er morning, I decided to visit some blogs kept by authors I admire. When I came across Chelsea Fine's newest post, "Float Wisely: Writer's Block and other nonsense", I let out a sigh of relief and the single tear that had been holding firmly in place. Chelsea gave great advice, in her usual humorous form that I adore, and told writers to WRITE. No matter what it is you're writing, even a document filled with frustrations about what is going wrong in your writing (yep, and she shares her own personal file in the post too), at least you're writing...and thinking.
Just keep writing, that's all it comes down to. Not everything I write will make my final edit and that is OKAY. I didn't erase what I had written, I never do actually. I have a file for all of the 'wrong' words. They may have a place someday. A deleted scene, an exclusive blog extra, or just something I read to myself to remember what happened in the lives of my characters while we weren't looking.
So for now, I'm the little engine that WILL. Not can or could or well, maybe someday might try. I'm writing, even if they are the wrong words.